How To Take A Win-Win Approach To Family Law
In the media, divorce and custody are nearly always portrayed as ugly legal battles. It’s more dramatic and entertaining this way, but the likelihood is that in your own social circles, you may have encountered some friends or family members who also went through a real-life version of a nasty family split. It’s no secret that divorce is messy. It often involves fighting over who gets what and who “gets” the kids. However, in the movies and in real life, a knock-down, drag-out war over assets or custody rights isn’t productive.
If you are currently in the beginning stages of getting divorced or trying to find a way to resolve family conflict, know that fighting this way doesn’t do much to build the next stage of your life. Even if you get your way, it probably won’t leave you feeling like you “won” when the dust settles and the paperwork is signed. You may be deeply hurt by hurtful words that have been said (or that you’ve said in anger), alienated from your children even if you achieved your desired custody result, completely incapable of moving forward in an amicable way with your ex-spouse and their family, and not really sure what you should do next.
That’s why at New Leaf Family, we encourage all of our clients to take a different approach - to focus on creative resolution and collaborative negotiation so that everyone is satisfied with the outcome. It’s the ideal approach for you and your spouse, and your kids, friends, and family members! Many people who are struggling with family conflict currently may feel like this is too good to be true, but we’ve seen it work time and time again. Resolution without a dramatic court battle is possible in many cases.
Here are a few ways that you can take a win-win approach to family law!
DON’T Give Up Or Give In
Some people think that in order to avoid legal conflict in their divorce, they have to be willing to sacrifice their values, their deepest hopes for their futures, their money, and their time with their children. It’s no wonder that this doesn’t seem like a desirable option, and the truth is that it is not! In order for things to work, you and your spouse have to be invested in the solution; you probably won’t be if you feel like you gave up everything to make your children happy or settle for the least amount of conflict. You’ll be resentful, and you’ll struggle to move forward after the terms are set.
DO Re-Solve
Resolution doesn’t have to mean giving up or giving in. The word itself - to “re-solve” - should mean working together with your spouse and with professionals like lawyers or counselors to find a solution that really works best for everyone involved. This may mean getting creative. It may mean getting educated about the realities of divorce and custody if you’ve never been through these processes before. It may mean making some compromises, of course, where it makes sense to, but it shouldn’t mean settling, and it doesn’t have to involve a judge or jury making decisions for you. A win-win approach to family law is all about re-solving!
DON’T Seek Permanence
This is a hard concept for many people to grasp, but particularly if you have children, family law issues may have to be part of your life for a long time. Many people think that if they just have the right attorney, or yell loudly enough, or get their case to court quickly, they can get an outcome and agreement finalized and put the entire thing before them. However, the goal of resolution shouldn’t be permanence. Change is a part of life! If you think that once the legal paperwork is signed all of the problems will stop, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment, and you may be pursuing unnecessary conflict as a result of that misconception.
DO Accept That Changes Will Beget More Changes
Family law issues are deeply personal issues - they’re not just legal problems to solve and move on from. Families are made up of people, and people change. Children’s needs will adjust as they grow; you or your spouse may move, re-marry, or switch jobs. Other unexpected events may occur. You can’t predict all of these changes, but you can know that change is inevitable, and any changes with your family members may mean that your divorce or custody agreement needs to be modified! When you set this realistic expectation from the get go, it makes it much less stressful when changes do occur and you need to adapt or continue to re-solve.
DON’T Focus On Winning
Again, many people try to tackle family law issues with a mindset that one person will win and one person will lose. That’s not how it has to be (and not the best way forward)! If you only have a singular focus on “beating” your spouse or getting most in terms of money, that’s not going to contribute to your emotional health or to a better outcome.
DO Focus On Growth
When your perspective shifts to “How do I win my family law case?” to “How do I grow as a person and help my family grow as people through this difficult time?” - when you focus less on where you are and more on where you want to go - it makes a big difference in how the rest of your life will unfold!
DON’T Work With Just Any Law Firm
Taking a win-win approach to family law often starts with consulting the right legal professionals in your area who care the most about helping you with your vision for your life. Many lawyers aren’t opposed to engaging in a lengthy and costly legal battle, even if it could be avoided, because they make more money that way.
At New Leaf Family, we understand that conflict isn’t always preventable - and while we’re prepared to advocate for you aggressively if your partner refuses to come to the table or a collaborative resolution can’t be reached, we’ll do everything in our power to empower YOU to find a peaceful solution first. We’ll clarify your goals for your future and then reverse engineer the steps to get you there, educating you and celebrating your progress along the way. Call us today to schedule your free consultation and learn more about how our team is unique (and uniquely qualified to help you!).