Divorce can be an incredibly emotionally taxing transition for even the most confident and secure adults, but for children, this sudden change can bring about a far more intense emotional response. It may be difficult for them to understand the why and the how of divorce, and they are likely experiencing emotions that they’ve never felt before and can’t explain or identify.
If you are currently going through or have recently gone through divorce with children, you may be concerned with how this will affect them both now and in the future. While it’s important to take extra care to help your kids transition during this time, you must understand that children are incredibly resilient. It won’t benefit you or them to dwell on past grievances or beat yourself up with guilt.
The best possible thing for everyone involved is to start the next chapter with a positive mindset and find comfort in navigating this new life, even if you don’t know exactly what that will look like yet. In this blog, we will help you understand more about how divorce impacts children and how you can support them during this period of transition.
Understanding The Impact Of Divorce On Children
It goes without saying that no two kids will have the same response to their parents’ divorce. This will vary based on the ages of the children, their temperaments, maturity level, and more. Generally, though, children can be expected to experience emotions like guilt, shame, low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. Kids – even young ones – can always sense when their parents are vulnerable and emotionally fragile.
As a result of these emotions, it is not uncommon for children to:
- Perform poorly in school
- Lose interests in social activities
- Have difficulty adapting to the changes taking place around them
- Be emotionally sensitive
- Display anger or extreme irritability
- Express feelings of guilt (thinking they are the cause of the divorce)
- Engage in destructive behavior
- Have trouble sleeping
- Lose faith in marriage, relationships, or the family unit
- And more.
How To Start Co-Parenting On The Right Foot
The transition into co-parenting can be tough, especially if you and your ex are still experiencing some lingering conflict or tension from your divorce. However, the number one key to making this easy on your kids is to love them more than you dislike your ex.
You must be able to recognize the needs of your kids and support your co-parent in getting those needs met. We understand that this is easier said than done, and there might be some situations that make you uncomfortable. You may find it extremely hard to respect your ex, especially if you feel as if they do not extend the same courtesy to you. Shifting your mindset and viewing co-parenting like a business could benefit everyone involved.
You can think of all of your interactions as “business transactions” that are short, sweet, and to the point. Any time you are discussing your kids, only focus on the issues at hand. Whether you are speaking in person, on the phone, or digitally (through texts, emails, or a co-parenting app), keep conversation respectful and limited to your children.
Creating A Stable And Supportive Environment
With so much change happening around them, your kids will need a stable and supportive environment in order to heal from the divorce and move forward as quickly and positively as possible. It’s crucial that your kids’ routines are predictable and as similar as possible while in the care of each parent. You should have a clearly outlined schedule for when the kids will be with each parent, how and when exchanges will take place, and what daily routines look like (for example, bedtimes, amount of screen time they are allowed, chores, etc.).
Maintain Open And Honest Communication With Your Kids
Avoiding talking about the divorce with your kids will not be beneficial to their smooth transition. Having age-appropriate conversations with your children – with both parents together, if possible – can go a long way to helping them process their emotions and understand the myriad of changes that are occurring.
Most importantly, they need to hear reassurance that everything is going to work out okay in the end, and that both parents still love them and will remain in their life. Even if you begin to sound like a broken record, you can never tell your children enough how much they are loved by both parents.
Encourage them to express their emotions, even if it’s hard for you to hear. Allow them to ask questions and answer them in an age-appropriate manner. However, do your best to keep legal or court language out of your vocabulary when they’re around – limit talks of “custody,” “visitation,” or “parenting time.”
Encourage Healthy Coping Mechanisms
Hopefully, you’ve found your own ways to cope with the pain and confusion of your divorce. Your children need outlets, too. If they don’t have them already, help them find hobbies they are interested in or sports teams to sign up for. Physical activity is especially good for those of all ages who are struggling with stress and anxiety.
Moreover, help them stay engaged in social activity with friends and extended family. These relationships can offer emotional support and ensure that your children do not isolate themselves or keep their feelings buried. Additionally, help them identify adults outside of your immediate family – such as teachers or mentors – who can provide an extra layer of support and guidance.
Professional Support And Resources
If your divorce proceedings are still active, it is crucial that you choose the best professional support for your family. This starts with a knowledgeable and experienced family attorney who has helped other couples with children navigate divorce in a way that protects the kids’ best interests. A skilled attorney can help you develop mutually-beneficial solutions to issues like custody and child support that meet your family’s unique needs.
Additionally, consider enlisting the help of a child therapist or counselor who can support your children emotionally through the transition. By assembling a team of professionals who prioritize your children’s well-being, you can create a more stable and supportive environment during this challenging time.
Let Us Help You And Your Family Embrace Change And Move Forward Confidently! Contact Our Firm Today
While you may not have planned on divorce when you and your spouse said “I do,” change is a part of life – it’s up to us whether we let it hold us back or be the catalyst for our personal growth. Just as you can grow from this challenging period of your life, so can your children.
Our elite legal team helps you navigate divorce and custody effectively, find solutions that meet the unique needs of your family, and ensure a smooth transition for your children. Call New Leaf Family today to book a free initial case evaluation and learn more about how we can help you build a bright future!
