New Leaf Family Blog


"I Just Want Out" – How to Take a Breath and Avoid Big Mistakes

Posted by Penn A. Dodson | Sep 04, 2020 | 0 Comments

If you're to the point in your relationship that all you want is to be divorced as soon as possible – yesterday, if you could find a way – it's tempting to make hasty decisions that you may later regret. That being the case, there are ways to speed the process along without skipping essential steps.         

Why? First, be aware of why the phrase “I just want out” is in your mind.

  • Is it because you're so sick of your spouse that you just want space?

  • Is it because you have your eye on someone else and your marriage is getting in the way of that relationship?

  • Is it because you are being abused physically and/or mentally?

The reason why you want out has huge bearing on how your impatience plays out.

Find Calm. If your emotional state has escalated to the state of being frantic about wanting out, this puts you in a position of severe weakness. Even if you are in a hurry to end the relationship, it's important to make sure that you are acting from a position of rationality, and therefore strength. Find a way to get away to your calm place.  Whether for a weekend (alone), a day, or even a few hours. Find a reason, and a place to be with your thoughts, where you can slow them down, and think. 

Happy Medium. There are plenty of people who try to prolong the divorce process, whether due to indecisiveness, litigiousness, holding out hope, or any number of other reasons. In general, dragging things out for no good reason is expensive, life-force draining, purposeless, and something to be avoided. On the other end of the spectrum, there are the folks who are willing to just fill in a simple form and pay court fees to end the marriage, without putting in the thought and work to make it happen the right way. There is a happy medium between these two extremes to be struck. The first step toward the middle path is getting clear on what you want in your future. Finding that quiet place will help you to consider what is best for your future, and the future of your family. You may also like to work with a coach or counselor at New Leaf to help you find your path.

Get Organized. If you want out quickly, but the right way, get organized. This starts with having clarity about what you want and where you are headed, which involves the Three Phases of Decision, Transition, and Equilibrium. Take a moment to review these links for the Three Phases that we have written about previously.

Support.  If you want to get it done fast and the right way, it's vital to surround yourself with support and resources rather than going it on your own. You are likely to be going through a lot of stress, anxiety, and turmoil, and you may not be on top of your game. It's ok to rely on others who are not in that same emotional place to be there for and with you. “We all need somebody to lean on….” Feel free to Contact Us and discover what we can do to support your decisions.

By pursuing with clarity where you are headed, taking advantage of the resources available to you, and relying on the support structure you've activated, you'll be much more likely to end the relationship both quickly and the right way.

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